blurb – Avid Procrastinator

Zohra was really nervous as she spoke to her best friend Hannah. Her mother never did like it when she talked to her. She didn’t quite understand why though. Hannah was her best friend-her only friend infact.

It had been only a year since she came here from Afghanistan, it was a little too much to handle really. Making friends was especially hard for her when she spoke ‘funny’ around others and well was different from them. Hannah was very kind to her though, she talked to her and welcomed her into her house with open arms. Yet, mother didn’t approve.

Mother always talked of how this is just temporary, they will go back to their home soon. She talked of the beautiful fields, the hills and how fun it would be once they return. Initially, Zohra believed her ardently, but as time went by she felt her faith diminishing. She wanted to accept her fate and start here again, with Hannah and more like her. Yet, mother didn’t approve.

Maybe it was because, how Hannah didn’t wear hijab like a good girl should. Or how she didn’t pray like Zohra did. Zohra always wondered. Mother always ignored Hannah when she saw them in a room playing. She never spoke to her, never even addressed her directly. It was unsettling to Zohra. She’d tried asking mother why she blatantly ignored Hannah but was fearful of the consequences. Mother had always been her support, she adored all her friends back in Afghanistan. Hannah was a nice girl too. Yet, mother didn’t approve.

She still remembers the day it all started-vividly. Zohra was on her way home from school when the school bus suddenly exploded. Before, she could even comprehend what happened everything was black. When she finally woke up next, her whole life had been turned upside down. She was in a different country, in a hospital gown, her face was heavily disfigured and one of her legs had been damaged so much, it had to be amputated. She couldn’t believe anything that was happening to her.

She was terrified. She couldn’t understand a thing these foreigners spoke. She eventually realized that she was the foreigner here in a strange land far away from home. Apparently, Zohra had been lucky to survive the attack but needed immediate medical help. Some NGO, she couldn’t quite grasp the name, flew her here for further treatment and rehabilitation.

It was all too overwhelming; she wanted her mother. She wanted to go back to the way everything was before all of this. A few days in the hospital, a woman promised she would find her mother. A few days later she still hadn’t heard from her when she saw her mother by her side sitting on the chair. She couldn’t believe herself she had gotten at least her mother back.

Mother disapproved of a lot of things, her talking to anyone about her past and now Hannah. Despite feeling guilty about disregarding her mother’s instructions, she loved playing and reading with Hannah. The more she started liking this place and making new friends, the more aggressive mother had become. Now it had come to the point where she would get scars on a weekly basis. Simply, because mother didn’t approve.

The doctors around her grew concerned. They would keep monitoring her and for some reason didn’t believe anything when she talked about her mother. Zohra’s recent visit to the counselor were the most confusing. Why wouldn’t it be? That lady spoke outrageous things!

She said her mother didn’t exist. She said her mother already passed away in Afghanistan. She said what she presumed to be her mother was just a figment of her imagination. She said that Zohra was using her imagination to deal with all the pain. She said her mother never did hurt her, she was hurting her herself. She- This was just too much for her. What she said couldn’t be true at all! How could it? When mother was standing just beside the woman glaring at her!

It just didn’t make any sense. Surely, they wanted to separate her from mother somehow! As the lady droned on and on, her mother shushed her to keep quiet. She couldn’t make a scene here now. Mother surely didn’t approve.

As the lady finished with her talking, Zohra promised to take the prescribed pills. Zohra also promised her that she would talk to someone the next time she sees mother. She didn’t like faking promises but she couldn’t just tell her that mother was standing just beside her now, could she? Finally, the lady buzzed for help and a nurse helped her out to Hannah and her mom.

Hannah helped her into the car and her mother started driving back to their place. She knew she couldn’t take the pills, mother wouldn’t approve. She also felt really guilty fake promising Hannah’s mum that she would. She had been nothing but loving and caring to her since day one. At times, she really wanted to hug her and return her affection but she knew she couldn’t. Because just like with Hannah; Mother didn’t approve.

This was a relatively difficult piece to write and it was coming really long so I had cut it short. Anywho, thanks for reading, would love to hear feedback from you. Don’t forget to share though!!

The boots made little noise as they touched the snow-covered ground. The fresh dewy snow didn’t make a thick layer on the ground quite yet, but it was enough to leave his boot-prints for them to catch. If he continued on the roads, it would be quite easy to track him. As it is, he had been running long enough now- almost 4 straight miles. He had to stop and think of a better path. With fear still coursing through his veins, he paused to catch his breath.

The moon shimmered in the barren night-sky, half peeking through the few dark clouds shadowing it. The trees in front of him stood tall and proud almost as if mocking him. He looked around and realized both sides of the roads were covered with lush canopies so thick that they hardly let snow down on the ground. He tried to get his bearings straight and analyse which direction to go next. Did it really matter though? He shrugged and jumped right; into the ruddy ground of the woods.

Running in the woods was easier than the snow-covered roads. He was faster here, albeit a little noisier. It didn’t matter though. He was so far out in the woods now, there was little chance of someone waking up from the noises. The pitch darkness that had swallowed him when he entered the woods seemed to be unending. The farther he went, the darker it got. Still, he ran. It wasn’t the darkness that scared him. It was the noises in his head. He was trying his hardest to not focus on the noises on them. The rustle of the leaves, the sound of his boots hitting the ground and the occasional hooting of the owl somewhere around him. He urged himself to focus on these.

He had to pause yet again to catch his breath and to his left, saw darkness that was even more opaque. He had gotten accustomed to the night around him, but this seemed more denser than usual. Stupidly, he reached closer to investigate. With anticipation and anxiousness cloaking him, he walked closer, slowly until he realized it was just a tiny cave. He felt foolish and relieved simultaneously. After inspecting the tiny cave and finding it safe enough, he decided to sleep in for the remainder of the night. He would require all his strength tomorrow. He sat down resting his back on the cave wall and fished his pocket for the cigarette pack he had stolen earlier. There were only three left, the matches weren’t in good number either. Still, he didn’t just crave a smoke now, he needed it.

As he took a long drag in, he could feel the nicotine calming his mind and the soothing smoke filling his lungs. Resting his hands on his knees, he realized just how quiet it was in this little place. It didn’t help. It just made the voices in his head clearer. He could not take it anymore. He slumped his head on his hands and before he knew it, he was crying- bawling really. He was crying so hard his vision had blurred. With tears running through his flustered cheeks he remembered. He remembered and he regretted. But what use was this lamenting now anyway? What happened- what he had done; couldn’t be undone. There was nothing he could do except regret. And boy did he regret.

Regret- it engulfed him; it coiled around him slowly like a snake crushing him with its power. He never realized how strong the feeling of regret was until now when it was all he could feel. It was getting harder to breathe now, but he knew there was no cure for regret. He would just have to exist with this heaviness strangling his heart, slowly killing his soul within. He would just have to live with it.

This is just a short blurb that I had in mind. Do share your feedback for the same. Thanks for reading!